Is it essential for children to excel and be the top of their class?

"What is your son's ranking? That is the most common question that arises in conversations among parents. If a child does not fall into the top 10 rankings, then parents do not need to promote them in front of other parents. However, the rankings that are considered commendable are the top 10, and the number of students in each class is around 40 children. So out of 40 parents, only 10 are allowed to feel proud of their child's achievements. Based on this, many parents encourage their children to take extra lessons. One of the extra lesson options must be completing homework assignments that must be submitted the next day. So the schedule for children's activities (especially those still in primary school) is studying at school from 7.00 - 13.00, having lunch in the school cafeteria, followed by school subject lessons, and returning home around 18.00. This schedule is almost the same as that of a private company employee. Imagine how tired the physical and psychological condition of the child is. They also no longer have time to play football or play dolls with their friends. All of these sacrifices are made for a chance to get in the top 10 positions. The question is, what is the impact of parents' behavior in always pushing their children to achieve rankings 1-10 in the class on their psychological development?"

Engaging in additional tutoring activities can be beneficial as it shows a high level of commitment from parents towards their child's academic achievement. Perhaps the parents do not have enough time to sit and study together with their child. Instead of themselves, the parents enroll their child in a tutoring center or invite a private tutor to their home. This can be enjoyable if the child truly needs and enjoys the extra tutoring activities. They are willing to sacrifice their time playing kites or going to the market for a prideful achievement. A good example of behavior is being cheerful during tutoring sessions, not being cranky, or irritable.

However, issues may arise when the child feels distressed by the extra tutoring activities. Instead of achieving a high ranking in class, the child may suffer from severe stress. This is because they are eager to meet their parents' expectations, even though their abilities are not sufficient. Examples of behavior that may be displayed include reluctance to attend tutoring sessions, feeling down, being cranky, refusing to do homework, or even skipping tutoring sessions. Parents should be vigilant and attentive to any changes in their children's behavior. If not addressed promptly, the child might grow to resent school and all its activities (school phobia). Therefore, parents need to reflect on the importance of class rankings. Is it worth sacrificing their child's happiness for a ranking in class?

To answer that question, an explanation from Leonhardt (2002), an education expert, might be helpful. He emphasizes that skills and a love for learning will assist children in their long journey in both education and their future lives. If children are pressured and forced to excel, they may feel anxious if they fail to meet their parents' expectations. This can lead children down the wrong path to fulfill their parents' demands, such as cheating during exams and other dishonest behavior.

The question now is whether there are tips for parents to help their children love their school subjects more. If your child hates school subjects and tutoring, is lazy with homework, always late to school, and their grades are dropping, parents need to identify the underlying causes. Possible reasons could be physical, environmental, emotional, social, and cognitive factors. Physical factors could include feeling unwell, needing glasses, or being constantly yawning due to hunger. Environmental factors could be poor lighting, an uncomfortable classroom atmosphere, unpleasant odors, and so on. Emotional factors may involve unpleasant relationships with their teacher. For elementary school children, a teacher's personality often matters more than the subject matter. This means that if a child likes a teacher, they will gladly accept any lesson given by that teacher. Social factors, such as disruptive classmates or peer pressure, could also play a role. A child might skip school because their classmates often ask for their lunch money.

Cognitive ability may be a factor that causes children to be reluctant to go to school and do homework. The meaning of cognitive ability is basic skills such as reading, writing, and arithmetic. These three skills are the foundation of a person's future life skills (United Nations, 1990). It is possible that a child is lazy to do math homework because they are not fluent in reading textbooks, not able to write well, and weak in arithmetic. If this happens, parents need to be patient and teach literacy skills (reading, writing, and arithmetic). In the process of teaching children, parents' patience is often tested. Especially when parents teach children while cooking or taking care of younger children. Parents often become impatient, causing children to receive various scoldings and even insults. It is unfortunate to be a child who has to learn from parents with low levels of patience.

Another alternative that parents can take to address children's problems with literacy is to invite a private tutor. Choose a private tutor who understands the characteristics of the child. The presence of a private tutor to boost those basic skills is meaningless if the family environment does not support it. Remember that the tutor's role is to help the child understand the lessons, and at the same time, 'relieve' parents from stress. Support from the tutor must be supported by the family. 

Family support comes in various forms, such as parents diligently reading bedtime stories to their children. Shinta (1996) explains that storytelling for children can cultivate a strong sense of curiosity, which in turn will also foster a great interest in reading. Children will be intrigued to read books on their own. Make an effort to regularly purchase quality reading materials, so that visits to the bookstore become enjoyable and eagerly awaited moments.

Furthermore, the ability to read is meaningless if not accompanied by the ability to write. During the early school years, children have already started learning to write. Their handwriting may be poor, from an adult's perspective. Parents should not be discouraged by their child's progress, as the child's psychomotor skills (hands) are not yet fully developed. Make sure to document the child's writing, or submit it to the school bulletin board or children's magazines. Such publications tend to boost the child's enthusiasm for writing, thereby improving their reading and writing skills. The pride of seeing their name published in a mass media outlet will always be remembered, along with any rewards they may receive.

One thing to note is that documenting a child's writing is relatively expensive. This is because a child may not be able to produce such writing again in the future. Documentation is also necessary to encourage a child's drawing skills. Collect children's drawings, regardless of quality. This collection of drawings will serve as a child's biography, showcasing their development and emotions when creating each piece. The collection can be framed and displayed as wall decor in their room or another space. Visitors to the house will be impressed by the parents' effort in nurturing the child's painting skills. Moreover, displaying a child's artwork at home reflects a close relationship between parents and children.

To enhance counting skills, parents should frequently practice counting with simple numbers. This exercise requires high patience. To prevent counting lessons from being intimidating or boring, it can be linked to daily activities. For example, when parents go shopping, children can be asked to help count the total of items purchased. Avoid using calculators or computers.

The second tip to encourage a child's enthusiasm for learning is to train them to learn independently. In Leonhardt's bestselling book (2002), the issue of a child's independence always takes precedence because it is indeed crucial in education. This means that school and all homework assignments are the responsibility of the child, not the parents. For example, parents should not overly assist their child with homework, so that the child becomes more independent. This tip will prevent parents from being tempted to make good grades the sole purpose of education. The opportunity to behave independently also turns out to be a child's need. Frandsen (1961) has revealed that training a child's independence also reflects the parent's trust in their child's abilities. Such parental behavior will, in turn, make the child more confident in themselves.

So, in reality, a child's high achievement is the result of the child's hard work and that of their parents. The hard work of parents does not lie in helping their child complete various school tasks, but instead in encouraging their child to complete tasks independently. This means that parents facilitate their child's education and strive to cultivate a sense of achievement. Ways in which parents can facilitate their child include studying alongside them, where the child reads a book while the parent also reads a book, but without turning on the television. The presence of television programs can disrupt the child's concentration.

The third tip to encourage a child's enthusiasm for learning is for parents to propose to the school committee to eliminate the ranking system altogether. Some advanced private schools have already implemented this, where there are no rankings on report cards, even though parents can still find out. Such a policy really motivates the child because their benchmark is themselves, not their peers or the class average. It is truly distressing when we, as parents, are constantly compared by our own children to other parents.

In conclusion, it is important to remember the wise words that "Parents actually do not determine their children's future, but rather shape their habits. These habits will ultimately determine the future of their children." When parents are tempted by the desire to see their children in the top 10 rankings, they may resort to any means necessary to achieve this goal. For example, parents may not hesitate to do their children's homework for them. If this occurs, it means that the ones attending school are actually the parents, not the children. As a result, the children will become accustomed to receiving good grades without having to work hard, they will never experience failure, and they will lack the desire to compete with their peers. A noble educational process is destroyed by parents' obsession with obtaining rankings for their children. Is this truly what we desire?